~sigh~ one week exactly until I am on a plane bound for canada's west coast. back to everything. back to life. back to friends and family. back to my shitties! back to a city that doesn't much feel like home anymore... not that this beach really feels like home, but my heart is definitely here and you know what they say. my heart is not in edmonton. it resides in me and I will have to make it as comfortable as I can, for when I return, I will have to find a new place in which to plant myself until the time comes for me to leave once again into the wide wonderful world. it's ok though. I'm not so sad about it as I may have otherwise been had I not done all the thinking I've been doing this past month here. As much as I know my heart has left edmonton, as much as I know I will likely not live there as long as I always thought I would, I am still looking forward to what is in store and experiencing it with new eyes. always new eyes after being out of comfort zone and having only yourself to rely on. it's a beautiful change and each time brings different and interesting perspectives. I've met some AMAZING people here that will be a part of my life always. the connections.... they were instant... just like we go way back, to childhood and maybe even past lives. who knows? so we've crossed paths and have walked parallel to one another until someone moves on and ventures elsewhere... but the connection remains and I cherish it. I know I left "home" as a tornado might rampage through a small village or city: a disaster with many peices in need of mending - some of which may never be as they were before, but the possibility to rebuild is always there. and I left australia in much the same way, if truth be told. but this time here - alone as well as with previously mentioned friends - has really enabled me to see the errors of my ways, understand the responsibilities my choices demand. and so I've learned alot about myself and it is in that way that I will come back again as a new person. it'll be so nice to reintroduce myself :)
funny story...
so I went to start finishing this piece of art on my back - the 3 headed elephant done traditional thai style - and so it's 10 in the morning and I decide not to eat anything in case the pain is so intense and I puke. so I drink a shit load of water. no drugs. no hangover from a night of excessive alcolism like last time. I'm thinkin: this is gonna be a CYNCH! hahaha fuck that. so I sit and he starts his painful pokin and not 3 mins into it, the eye lids begin to droop... my hearing goes all muffled... there's a distant ringing in my ears... I say: mr. blue, please stop for a min... so he stops. and then I don't remember anything except being revived by sweet scent of tiger balm, the sensation I'm being shaken, and far off in the distance of where ever oblivion I was, the sound of my name gradually becoming audible and distinguishable as indeed my name. I open my eyes and there's mr. blue and 4 other thai people huddled around me with such a look of concern on their face, you'd think they were staring at a ghost! and so I said: weird... I just need to sit down for a bit. haha cuz the thing, I had never fainted before in my life! and so to me, it felt like I had been dead! it felt like I was non-existant and so that's why I didn't respond to my name and the shaking - cuz I wasn't even a part of my body! and when I came to (it had been about 2-3 mins) I just was in such shock that I had actually fainted! I mean, the pain wasn't that bad... but I think my blood sugar levels were all over the place and so the pain, I must have pushed it away and then my body reacted accordingly. and the thing is... I had fucken PISSED MYSELF! right there on that chair while I was passed out... all that water had gone right through me, through my thai pants, onto the chair and then finally to the floor. like a waterfall, apparently. haha so, not only did I faint for the first time, I also pissed myself. if the circumstances had been different, I might have took it as a sign of old age and would have to fulfill my ode to call up mr. jensen and the gang to prepare for goin out on H! shit.... how embarassing! so then I ate a bit, changed pants, drank some iced coffee, and went to the doctor's to get some numbing cream and codine :) came back and endured another hour before I felt faint-ish again and so we decided to do it little by little each day until I leave.
so as an update: I made it through the shading of the elephant looking to my right. day by day. and tomorrow? I have breakfast and codine for breakfast!
well, that's all for now folks! lots of love and peace to you all. I am finding mine. I hope I can keep it close...
xxx
funny story...
so I went to start finishing this piece of art on my back - the 3 headed elephant done traditional thai style - and so it's 10 in the morning and I decide not to eat anything in case the pain is so intense and I puke. so I drink a shit load of water. no drugs. no hangover from a night of excessive alcolism like last time. I'm thinkin: this is gonna be a CYNCH! hahaha fuck that. so I sit and he starts his painful pokin and not 3 mins into it, the eye lids begin to droop... my hearing goes all muffled... there's a distant ringing in my ears... I say: mr. blue, please stop for a min... so he stops. and then I don't remember anything except being revived by sweet scent of tiger balm, the sensation I'm being shaken, and far off in the distance of where ever oblivion I was, the sound of my name gradually becoming audible and distinguishable as indeed my name. I open my eyes and there's mr. blue and 4 other thai people huddled around me with such a look of concern on their face, you'd think they were staring at a ghost! and so I said: weird... I just need to sit down for a bit. haha cuz the thing, I had never fainted before in my life! and so to me, it felt like I had been dead! it felt like I was non-existant and so that's why I didn't respond to my name and the shaking - cuz I wasn't even a part of my body! and when I came to (it had been about 2-3 mins) I just was in such shock that I had actually fainted! I mean, the pain wasn't that bad... but I think my blood sugar levels were all over the place and so the pain, I must have pushed it away and then my body reacted accordingly. and the thing is... I had fucken PISSED MYSELF! right there on that chair while I was passed out... all that water had gone right through me, through my thai pants, onto the chair and then finally to the floor. like a waterfall, apparently. haha so, not only did I faint for the first time, I also pissed myself. if the circumstances had been different, I might have took it as a sign of old age and would have to fulfill my ode to call up mr. jensen and the gang to prepare for goin out on H! shit.... how embarassing! so then I ate a bit, changed pants, drank some iced coffee, and went to the doctor's to get some numbing cream and codine :) came back and endured another hour before I felt faint-ish again and so we decided to do it little by little each day until I leave.
so as an update: I made it through the shading of the elephant looking to my right. day by day. and tomorrow? I have breakfast and codine for breakfast!
well, that's all for now folks! lots of love and peace to you all. I am finding mine. I hope I can keep it close...
xxx
