this little lament...

I still feel your eyes on me

and I have goosebumps like you're really here
it's like you pressed your hand to the back of my neck
and its imprint is still there
- still warm and a little discolored...
kinda like my love for Him
- still warm but a little discolored.

I haven't been the same since
I saw you cross the street
my poles have switched and I'm attracting bits of you
and I wonder whether the sum of those bits will perhaps
amount to you
or whether they'll just start collecting dust
on the cramped top shelf of my heart
out of reach and
never amounting to anything more
than what this is now:
a warm discolored passed possibility
still fresh on my neck
still present in my mind
and very still in my heart.

I guess I can't expect to always get what I want...
so I'll happily take the bits.

Trippin'

a lil' song for y'all... I wrote it. my first EVER! my muse is a smokin' lady who plays base strings and from time to time I'm sure, mind strings... but you'll never know how it'll sound unless you let her play, right?

enjoy.

I'm trippin' out about you
I'm trippin' out about you
I'm trippin' out about you
and I don't know what I'm gonna do

I think about you all the time
I think about you, but you're not mine
but I still think about you all the time
and I cannot pry you from my mind

I'm trippin' out about you
I'm trippin' out about you
I'm trippin' out about you
and I don't know what I'm gonna do

you're in my dreams babe, my sweet sweet dreams
yeah, you're in my dreams babe, my bad bad dreams
don't wanna wake up from my dreams
cuz they're better than real life... or so it seems

I'm trippin' out about you
I'm trippin' out about you
I'm trippin' out about you
and I don't know what I'm gonna do
no, I don't know what I'm gonna do
I just don't know what I'm gonna do...

shame on me
shame on me
shame on me
mmmmmmm...

we are all made up of contradictions

hmmmm... thanksgiving... a north american celebration of bountiful harvest. but I'll be shoutin out to the harvest moon, neil young style :)

long time no write. to be completely honest, I haven't even really looked at my own blog in months. the only reason I'm here now is cuz a dear friend invited me to read her's and it inspired me so... and I'm bored out of my mind having just arrived in bountiful Fort McMurray - my home land. the last time I was here was christmas - the celebration of capitalism.

oh jeeze, who am I kidding? I participate in this game just much as anyone else. perhaps the difference between me and my co-players is that I am aware that it is indeed a game and that it is set up in such a way that we can't help but to participate. we're born into it. there are good things and bad things about it - like everything in life. the only way I can live with myself in this bullshit game is to see and focus on the good things. to change the things I do personally in an effort to encourage others to make changes in their own life in turn. we are all connected in so many ways... this getting older and wiser thing is showing me that.

but anyways, that's enough for now. I think I'll visit this space more often... even if it is just for my own eyes and my own release of whatever thoughts I have in the moment.

hopefully getting a computer soon! and then the internet!

hooray for capitalism!!!

no flip flop no cry

here are SOME of the photos which captured my time on Koh Chang... there are more... I will add them soon... until then, please, enjoy these ones :) I hope it brings you all a little smile and some warmth. as usual, just click on the "view all images" link and you'll get to see a way cooler and better slide show.