FREEDOM 55

I would like to take this oppertunity to wish my papa a HAPPY 55th BIRTHDAY!!! YAY!! And now, if we could all join in and sing him that old birthday tune we all know and love:

bonne fête à toi!

bonne fête à toi!

bonne fête chèr PAPA,

bonne fête à toi!

What a beautiful winter's day to celebrate so many revolutions around our glorious sun... I know you're working tonight (which sucks really bad) and I totally wish I could be there in person to pass along these wishes of happiness, love, and health. But this is my ode to YOU André Bernard Boisvert: wonderful person, best-friend, and WAY COOL papa. I love you and I truly can't wait to see you, give you a huge hug, and share with you my experiences abroad. You were there with me the whole time and will remain in my heart throughout my life and where ever I go. YOU ROCK! Have a beautiful day and I will see you soon.

love,

your daughter and friend,

Jacqueline Yvonne Boisvert

xoxoxoxox

acid reflux: a collection of introspections

You know how I always spoke of looking like a "mad woman" journalling away? Well, oftentimes I write poetry... and not in the traditional sense. I had a few sleepless nights on Koh Chang and some alone time in Phnom Penh - shortly after our initial arrival - where I wrote some stuff. In my own opinion, it's not too shabby! I've read some of it to friends and they've enjoyed it (or at least, they claimed to have enjoyed it), and so I thought why the hell don't I just post a few on here for shits and giggles? Maybe give you a little glimpse as to how my mind works when it's "exposed" (I hate that word but I can't think of any other) to certain contexts and situations... So uhm, enjoy? I guess? And, so you know, you're forewarned: they are a bit strange.

MOON TIME BLUES

I got the moon time blues

feel like buyin some new shoes

or maybe takin a snooze

maybe go for a booze cruise

I got the moon time blues

wanna find some way to amuse

instead I confuse myself

meandering about minus my muse

I got the moon time blues

I wanna substance abuse

like that's any news

my mind I might lose

cuz I got the moon time blues

a sullen girl and short is my fuse

my mood dull like a yellowing bruise

but I could throw a tantrum, terrible two's

cuz girl! I got the MOON TIME BLUES!!

*heehee This one was written in Phnom Penh when Carly went out with some friends and I just wasn't in the mood... cuz I had the moon time blues! ;-) I think I wanna turn this one into a song some day, bluesy... can you hear it??*

BOO!

out on a ledge

my mind clutching a thread

holding on tight with fear that it just might

lose its grip and slip

and there's no one there to catch me

snatch me up and hold me near

kiss my forehead and cuddle away that pesky fear

threatening to consume me

and not unlike a stalker,

it is looming

it is lurking in the shadows

dodging street lights as it follows me

to the ledge, the edge

of which I find myself hanging by that thread

fraying, swaying to and fro

between plunging into darkness

or lunging for that brightness...

-working progress

*ya... not sure what to do with this one... initiated by paranoia, this was my first sleepless night on Koh Chang and to help me catch my zzz's I did not down nyquil, no... but I tried to rhyme every thought and eventually I fell alseep. And of course, I didn't want to lose all that I had thought of so I manically wrote it down and so that's why it's not done... might turn this one into a song as well... who knows? it doesn't even have a proper title yet!*

SANITARY SANCTUARY

this place has developped into a habit of mine

maybe due to the fact that I've been here a while

not that often I'm in one place for long,

at least as long as I've been gone...

so who's it up to? who drew that line?

that point in time when my eyes saw the sign?

how long before it registered, right side up and focused,

that I could see a life just for me instead of all that saw dust?

so when a tree falls in the forrest, does anybody hear?

and if a dream met its end that way in my head,

would its fall sound clear?

but all that don't matter anymore so look past it

forget it - no... remember it cuz without it

that woman and me might never have met, shit

is much cimpler now I'm thinking for one,

don't feel like a mom overprotecting her son

but in charge of my own life:

what I'm doing and what's to come

I'm shaking hands with my past cuz at last I understand

and am OK with who I am...

minus a man...

and so this place has developped into a sort of habit of mine

not only due to the fact that I've been here a while

but cuz the quiche is delicious and the iced coffee devine

and my mind

can unwind

the coils of moments

spiraled

in

time

*very reflective... written at The Blue Pumpkin in Siem Reap: a place that is all white, very sterile looking, good tunes, air conditioning, and you can get quiche!! not rice! It's like a place you go when you want to escape Cambodia for a little while. It does the trick!

Cambodia: you can check out any time you want, but you can never leave!!!*

THE QUESTION

hey, who are you?

essentially the same, but fundamentally changed

no longer the woman you once knew

and too, you've gained new

perspectives, not what you expected

but then again you've always neglected

the beauty in the imperfected

so hey, who are you now?

up there on the bow of the boat

still afloat through the low and high tides of your mind

still resigned and inclined

to find whatever shores you set course for

but there's no need to be sure of destination

see above for explanation of the effects of expectations...

tell me, who were you then?

way back when material things mattered

and life pitter-pattered past your pasified conscience

a passer-by existence

and you can longer accept its numbing effects since

you're fundamentally the same, yet essentially changed

and so the question has no ONE answer

and will remain as such

perpetually untouchable cuz

I am a SPINSTER

uncolonized by any sign or label

never infantilized and always able

to redefine what's mine

which could only ever be:

myself

my thoughts

my mind.

*second sleepless night on Koh Chang, again, thinking in rhyme to lull myself to sleep cuz the waves sure weren't doing their share... and again looking inside myself, trying to figure out my personal changes, trying to explain them in some way. Since they were such new feelings and thoughts, they just flowed out like acid reflux flows up the throat when one has eaten too much or there is nothing left in one's stomach to reject and all that's left is the bile. Sorry for the grotesque description, but there's no other way to accurately describe how these words formed into intelligable phrases... This one kind of turned into a feminist rant towards the end too! yay! I should give this one to my fav prof: Heather Tapley, she'd love it!*

the girl is back in the bubble... can she deal?

WOW. As soon as I got in my seat on the plane from BKK to Taipei, I conked out for like an hour, woke up as the plane was taking off... it was delayed and I almost missed my connection from Taipei to Vancouver!!! But, I didn't! I had to boot it from one gate to the other though... and I had 3 seats all to my self on that 10 hour flight so, after dinner was served, I downed a sleeping pill and passed out til just before breakies was about to be served! Now that is the way to fly! It was so strange... when I could see the edge of Canada, tears assumed their position and didn't wait for the command before they started rolling down my cheeks...

Why was I crying? Because I didn't think I could handle being back among those who wouldn't know me anymore, who might not understand the changes I've undergone... I felt so alienated and felt as though I wouldn't be able to not alienate everyone in return. Leigh had warned me I might feel that way after all I'd experienced in Cambodia. She said it took her a long time before she felt she was semi-adjusted... like her friends would ask her "oh, how was asia?" and she would begin to describe the horrors and injustices and thereby totally alienating every single one of them, and feeling quite vulnerable as a result since those experiences were so close to her heart and nobody understood her... nobody could... not unless they've experienced it for themselves. So I began to understand what she was talking about.

Upon seeing Monique at the arrival's gate, I balled and held on to her so tight as though I was hanging on to my sanity. After dropping her off at work, her boyfriend Sean dropped me off on the wonderfully colorful Davie Street where I walked around, found a coffee shop, and journalled over a nice warm OVER-PRICED latté. Met her for lunch and then bussed it to Sean's place and chilled out for a bit before Monique arrived back home. We smoked a spliff, things were good, we were catching up, I went to my pack to retrieve the bracelet I had bought her on the beach and saw the bottle of vitamines and... and... the vitamines were of the ones I helped unload from that 40' trailor of donations DMGF shipped to Siem Reap... and so I saw them and I remembered that awesome feeling I had to be part of something so grand and beautiful... and then I realized where I was: in North America, land of excess and much ignorance... and I wondered what the hell I was doing here? What does my exisitence mean here? what's it for? Ya... I started thinking about how the hell I was going to be able to adjust back to the way things are here and not alienate people in the process... I balled my eyes out, nearly lost all those marbles I'd be saving up! I'm sure I freaked Monique out. I think I would have been diagnosed as clinically insane... I told her I was just "having a mental break-down and that I'd be back in a bit"... After about a 1/2 hour, I calmed myself down, "regrouped", and tried to focus on chanelling my frustrations and anxieties into something positive like: ok, so when I get back to Edmonton, I'm gonna look into funding and setting up meetings for when Leigh gets here in April and that's what's important: getting back there and doing MORE. I have to learn how to channel those feelings or else I will indeed lose my grip.

*note to self: don't smoke ganja unless I'm around someone whose experienced something similar and whom I know won't freak out (ie. get scared) should I lose it again... someone who will be able to empathize... the paranoia is too great... I think WAY to much even without it.*

So ya. We went to an Italian restaurant on Commercial St. where I had my first pasta dish in months but could not eat it all since the portion was GINORMOUS!! I'm so not used to the N. American helpings of food anymore! I even told the waitress when she placed the dish in front of me that I was intimmidated by the size and was afraid to eat it! haha Everyone had a good laugh. I ate 1/2 and was stuffed. It too was overpriced. Should have been 1/3 the price and 1/2 the size. In my oh-so-humble opinion. THEN we went for some gelatto across the street and I was again stupified by the size of the scoops! I had a "single" scoop in a cup and I could barely finish it!!! Crazy. The price and size are things I'm going to have to learn how to deal with all over again... It really does amaze me that a latté would cost me $4 when it would cost less than $1 in many places in asia.

Now I'm staying in an OK hostel in Gastown, Vancouver with my special friend Kirsten and we're catching up grandly and it's so awesome to see her!!! I'm glad I'll be spending a week here with her before jumping back into FREEZING Alberta where my posse resides... DAMN I'm not used to the cold, crisp, and dryness!!! I'm peeling like a MOFO! I won't be dark at all by the time I return cuz it'll all have flaked off... :-( Ah well. It is as it is. heehee Perspective, Jacquie.

OK so I have to go out and DO something here. Like, buy a sweater?? So I'll sign off for now and catch up in a few days. Crazy. I really hope I don't go down that road... somewhere down that crazy road...

drugs drugs drugs, which are good? which are bad?

Hello everybody!!! Jacquie here reporting from the port town of Trat, Thailand, awaiting my overnight bus ride to Bangkok... and upon arrival, I'll be heading straight for the BKK International Airport to begin the long journey back home. I was supposed to have been in Bangkok last night and getting my body art done just of Kao San Road today... but as usual, the plan came subject to change and I ended up getting the work done on Koh Chang... BUT, before I share that crazy story, I'll tell you about my last few days on the island with Leigh and her canadian friend Rhea.

So, it turned out that Leigh's sickness - brought on by the wonderful thai massage - was acute tonselitis (not sure of the spelling) and so she got some meds which made her feel 100 times better very quickly... I was a bit worried about her since she looked like Death. But ya. We took it easy, got to know each other very well and I was so sad to leave her today. What a beautiful soul she is. We rented a moto and drove off along the ocean road to the wondrous waterfall everyone recommended checking out. It was way too expensive considering the waterfall wasn't all that wondrous afterall, but gorgeous - and the water was actually COLD and so very refreshing. On our way back, we passed some elephants and so we pulled a U-ie and went to visit them! haha YAY! There were 2: a 16 year old mama and her 2 year old girl. They were huge and well-treated and very well-fed compared to the ones we visited in Ban Lang, Cambodia. They were part of a program to preserve these amazing beasts and I can't quite describe exactly how AMAZING this experience was. Leigh had never seen an elephant, let alone a baby one, let alone touched one! They were so affectinate and I was hugging and kissing the baby and hugging the mom's trunk and face, scratching behind their velvet ears, feeding them... the mom was exploring me with her curious trunk - man they look strange! - and tickling me and the baby kept hed bunting me to touch her and such. Leigh was lifted up with mama's trunk and I got a sweet picture of that... HOW COOL??? We spent about a 1/2 hour there playing with them and loving them. It brought tears to my eyes and Leigh's. Beautiful, just beautiful. I can't explain the afinity and connection I have to elephants, but I definitly felt it's strength that day. Afterwards, we motoed back to Lonely Beach and soaked up the rest of the day's sun. Leigh's friend Rhea met us that early evening and we chatted at our hut - we movedto a bigger one to allow for the 3 of us enough room, though it was still quite squishy, especially since I had passed out and spread eagled it on the bed... heehee :-) - and then indulged in a sunset/evening swim in the ocean... gorgeous. Oh man! There's this swing set up over the water right outside our hut, hanging from 2 ginormous trees, that I swung on and holy cow that was fun! and exhilerating!! Imagine swinging so high side to side, then round and round (standing up of course)! It was awesome! I felt like a surfer! heehee

So it was February 14th when Rhea arrived and there was a big Love party at the Treehouse lodge. We went. Had a couple drinks and then walked down the beach to check out the other parties, had a strong drink at each one, watched some fire dansing and fire "poy", gave out roses to the pretty ladies who had none and whom we found "deserving"... then continued our hopping and ended up back at the Treehouse Lodge. What began with 2 dudes playing some fucking AWESOME bongo beats turned into about 10 of them and didgeridoo and I was just in love and awe with the sound... the atmosphere... just BEING there, ya know? We were so friggen waster and by the time we got back to our hut, it was 4am and I was to wake up at 8:30am to for my tatoo... dun dun dunnnnnn...

THE TRADITIONAL THAI BAMBOO TATTOO

Wow. I decided if I wanted local art, the island would be the perfect place to do it. I described my idea to the artist (something to cover up my wee not-so-pink elephant with a larger mor intricate elephant) and what he came up with is absolutely breathtaking and the most beautiful piece of artwork I have ever seen. It's quite large but the detailing - the tassles, the head caps, the skin, the eyes, the shadowing, the lotus leaf - is so fine and... well... I'll just have to post a picture as soon as I can to show all those whom I won't see right away. This kind of work would never have been accomplished through the use of a regular machine. Done with bamboo, needling the design in just like they would have done pre-machine, except in the traditional thai manner. I had an audience, a few stayed with me the entire time - thanks Alex and the Kiwi named Babba (I think) - and Leigh and Rhea were there a fair bit as well, holding my hands through the excrutiating pain. It was. I took some drugs to get me through it: diazapam, codine, T3s, ibuprophen, ganja, some shots of sansung rum, and a whole lot of nicotene. It had to be done. I was there for 10 hours yesturday and then another 5-6 hours this morning and I still have to return next year to finish it off completely... though what it is now looks amazing. I can't wait to show you all!!!! It was the neatest experience - even through the pain - having it done right on the beach like that... I had to focus on something and so I focused on the beauty that surrounded me: the beach, the wonderful people who were there for the whole thing, Leigh and Rhea, the artist was a gem. ~sigh~ How wonderful. At times I had to belt out some Ani songs, some Can Con. (ie. Bryan Adams) when I wasn't swearing in french and english of course! haha I think I would have rathered give birth! NOT! haha Ya. I'm happy. The outcome is perfect and not as painful had a machine been used. You'll see what I mean soon enough!

Parting was such sweet sorrow...

Leigh will be coming to Canada some time in late April, early May and I am gonna try and set up some meetings for her with some big wigs in the building trades in Alberta to see about funding FCF. So I'll see her again soon enough... but it was still so sad to leave her cuz we grew so close and I love that woman. I plan on getting an around-the-world ticket next time and dropping in on her in Melbourn, Australia since she'll be there during the time I'm thinking about returning. That's so cool cuz I've ALWAYS wanted to go to Australia and she has some wicked friends I'm intrigued to meet, not to mention the fact that she's local and so I'll be experiencing the country from a local's perspective which is very cool. I can't wait!! I'm not even gone yet and I'm thinking about my next trip! Ain't that the way it is... And Rhea is from Vancouver and so we'll be (hopefullly) meeting up for coffee or something before I leave back for Edmonton. She's a good shit too. Really beautiful people I've met out here in the wide world. I am so in love with this life!!!

Well, I'm off for the bus ride!! Next time I write I'll be in the other hemisphere!! CRAZINESS!!! Thank-you for all your comments... throughout... I've kept them close to my heart where ever I've gone. I can't wait to see you all again and re-introduce myself... :-)