This started out as an email to a dear and special friend, but the more I wrote, the more I wanted to share my thoughts and feelings with everyone who was affected by my blog about the Landfill people... I received so many comments and emails about how that one entry touched everyone in differing ways and it made me think about how it affected me since I never really allowed myself to think about it fully. I don't think I was letting myself digest what I had taken in that day... on top of visiting the dump, it was our last full day in Phnom Penh (since the next day we left for Siem Reap) and it was full of good-byes to the beautiful people I'd met and whom I hold dear and will miss a great deal... I'd learned so much through them, talking with Roath, Marcel, Salem... went to Angkor Wat the following day, Carly got sick, and then I followed suit. So here are my thoughts... I haven't even written in my personal journal since I lost THE pen.
At the time when I wrote that blog, ya, I was being mentally tried and was mentally fried. What a tugging that was on everything and everyone I had ever held dear to me, something I'd never experienced before and something I am greatful to have experienced. But still... it didn't seem real that we were there... and then leaving them to go back to our guesthouses or hotels, shower, drink clean water, eat a good meal... while they remained and continued to breathe in toxic fumes and flirt with death with every passing dump truck... it just didn't seem real.
I mean, can you even begin to imagine what a place might look like filled with the rubbish and waste of over 1 million people?? Can you even begin to imagine what it might be like to live and work there? searching for plastic products of any kind: bags, bottles, seringes? Yes needles!! Carly and Leigh witnessed a little girl pick up a seringe - once filled with who the hell knows what - break it, bag the plastic and toss the needle. And do you know how much money they might make in a day of working in that wasteland? about 2000-3000 riel/day... that's $0.50-$0.75 per day! So that we were bringing them water was a huge thing for them since 1 big bottle of water would cost them a day's wage. Leigh was seriously thinking about asking the group of canadians - who did the health clinic for the Street Kids and who will be doing one for the Tonle Sap Village on Feb.2 - who work for an organization called the David McAntony Gibson Foundation (DMGF) to go to the Stueng Meanchey Landfill to do a health clinic there as well. I'm not sure if they will have the time to go since they are only here for 10 days, but I will keep you posted.
So ya, what do I think about this? I think it's absolute bull-shit to be quite honest. I'm really beginning to see how tightly everything is bound to everything else... like a line in a song: "ask any eco-system: harm here is harm there and there and there". When we were in Laos, boating down the niddy griddy Mekong River, the waste of all those inhabitants gets tossed and lost - more forgotten, flows down and down into Cambodia... where all the waste of its shores' inhabitants flow down and down... and all the waste that gets tossed into and of the Tonle Sap River flow into the Mekong creating this discusting river of man-made sewage and poison. The people bath in it. The people drink from it. The people piss and shit in it. The people fish from it, clean their food in it, and then eat from it. The people feed their livestock from it, then eat their livestock. There are no recycling programs in place, no water purification programs, no environmental awareness what-so-ever. It's understandable since they have only recently been free from the horrors of the Khmer Rouge Regime... they haven't had time nor the luxury to think about such things as environment preservation. So it's bound so tightly that it's so difficult to create an understanding in them that the environment is important because it affects their health directly as well as the health of future generations. And so now that the political climate is at a low and tolerable temperature, people like Leigh can come in and start up organizations such as Future Cambodia Fund to sort of start somewhere at creating some kind of awareness among a people who were brutally forgotten for so many years...
I am truly motivated to come back and help out as much as I can, but from where I stand now... I am looking forward to going home and seeing friends and family whom I love and miss so much. Many people whom I've met here have left their home fronts and haven't really looked back due to their particular situations and histories... some go back occasionally to make money to come back to Cambodia and fund whatever their endeavor is... I've been questioned as to why I'm going back since I would really like to stay and help more; it costs more to go and come back than it would to just stay. They find it hard to believe sometimes that us "tourists" will come back when we say we're gonna come back. Marcel - this interesting dutch dude who's marrying a beautiful young Khmer woman (Roath) on Feb 24 - sais that us westerners have the luxury of going back, of travelling to begin with, whereas most Khmers stay put because they are too poor... us westerners come into their lives and quite often make promises that we can't keep... the khmers trust us and then are dissapointed time and time again because many times, they don't come back. I understood what he was saying, but I don't consider myself to be your average "tourist" or "westerner" who makes promises she can't keep. Carly feels this way also. We have met some incredible people in Cambodia as well as Laos and we aren't the kind of people who make promises we can't keep.
The reason why we must go and come back is due to the fact that it is easier to make money to fund something here back home, than it would be to stay here. Another reason - the most important reason in my opinion - is that we didn't flee from our past lives... we have only ventured out to explore the world and document it and share it here with you all for you to experience some of what we have been... we have people who love us and who miss us to come home to and I know that I cherish that more now than I did before. So I'll see you all soon, but keep reading me cuz I haven't left yet! I think I'm gonna regroup on a beach somewhere in Thailand before I head home to freazing cold climates and even colder government.
At the time when I wrote that blog, ya, I was being mentally tried and was mentally fried. What a tugging that was on everything and everyone I had ever held dear to me, something I'd never experienced before and something I am greatful to have experienced. But still... it didn't seem real that we were there... and then leaving them to go back to our guesthouses or hotels, shower, drink clean water, eat a good meal... while they remained and continued to breathe in toxic fumes and flirt with death with every passing dump truck... it just didn't seem real.
I mean, can you even begin to imagine what a place might look like filled with the rubbish and waste of over 1 million people?? Can you even begin to imagine what it might be like to live and work there? searching for plastic products of any kind: bags, bottles, seringes? Yes needles!! Carly and Leigh witnessed a little girl pick up a seringe - once filled with who the hell knows what - break it, bag the plastic and toss the needle. And do you know how much money they might make in a day of working in that wasteland? about 2000-3000 riel/day... that's $0.50-$0.75 per day! So that we were bringing them water was a huge thing for them since 1 big bottle of water would cost them a day's wage. Leigh was seriously thinking about asking the group of canadians - who did the health clinic for the Street Kids and who will be doing one for the Tonle Sap Village on Feb.2 - who work for an organization called the David McAntony Gibson Foundation (DMGF) to go to the Stueng Meanchey Landfill to do a health clinic there as well. I'm not sure if they will have the time to go since they are only here for 10 days, but I will keep you posted.
So ya, what do I think about this? I think it's absolute bull-shit to be quite honest. I'm really beginning to see how tightly everything is bound to everything else... like a line in a song: "ask any eco-system: harm here is harm there and there and there". When we were in Laos, boating down the niddy griddy Mekong River, the waste of all those inhabitants gets tossed and lost - more forgotten, flows down and down into Cambodia... where all the waste of its shores' inhabitants flow down and down... and all the waste that gets tossed into and of the Tonle Sap River flow into the Mekong creating this discusting river of man-made sewage and poison. The people bath in it. The people drink from it. The people piss and shit in it. The people fish from it, clean their food in it, and then eat from it. The people feed their livestock from it, then eat their livestock. There are no recycling programs in place, no water purification programs, no environmental awareness what-so-ever. It's understandable since they have only recently been free from the horrors of the Khmer Rouge Regime... they haven't had time nor the luxury to think about such things as environment preservation. So it's bound so tightly that it's so difficult to create an understanding in them that the environment is important because it affects their health directly as well as the health of future generations. And so now that the political climate is at a low and tolerable temperature, people like Leigh can come in and start up organizations such as Future Cambodia Fund to sort of start somewhere at creating some kind of awareness among a people who were brutally forgotten for so many years...
I am truly motivated to come back and help out as much as I can, but from where I stand now... I am looking forward to going home and seeing friends and family whom I love and miss so much. Many people whom I've met here have left their home fronts and haven't really looked back due to their particular situations and histories... some go back occasionally to make money to come back to Cambodia and fund whatever their endeavor is... I've been questioned as to why I'm going back since I would really like to stay and help more; it costs more to go and come back than it would to just stay. They find it hard to believe sometimes that us "tourists" will come back when we say we're gonna come back. Marcel - this interesting dutch dude who's marrying a beautiful young Khmer woman (Roath) on Feb 24 - sais that us westerners have the luxury of going back, of travelling to begin with, whereas most Khmers stay put because they are too poor... us westerners come into their lives and quite often make promises that we can't keep... the khmers trust us and then are dissapointed time and time again because many times, they don't come back. I understood what he was saying, but I don't consider myself to be your average "tourist" or "westerner" who makes promises she can't keep. Carly feels this way also. We have met some incredible people in Cambodia as well as Laos and we aren't the kind of people who make promises we can't keep.
The reason why we must go and come back is due to the fact that it is easier to make money to fund something here back home, than it would be to stay here. Another reason - the most important reason in my opinion - is that we didn't flee from our past lives... we have only ventured out to explore the world and document it and share it here with you all for you to experience some of what we have been... we have people who love us and who miss us to come home to and I know that I cherish that more now than I did before. So I'll see you all soon, but keep reading me cuz I haven't left yet! I think I'm gonna regroup on a beach somewhere in Thailand before I head home to freazing cold climates and even colder government.
8 comments:
You speak from the deepest, most thoughtful depths that I have ever heard you speak. You are forming the construction of a complete circle within your life it seems. You are taking a lot in and putting it in perspective. Perspective is the best view , keeps a person focused on the real matters of life. Not one person has the answers but all persons have a question. Keep it in perspective and you will find your answer. The circle you are constructing will blend , in time , into many other circles within your life. You are part of a whole, working within it with others, changing it, forming it , understanding. You do not feel you are doing all of this from outside of the whole but within it , part of it. I declare you a liberal.
2bornot2b
Allo Jacquie de plus en plus Magnifique! Muah! Quelques lignes seulement pour te dire que j'ai lu la suite, et pour te dire que je t'admire énormément... ça fait beaucoup de choses à digérer en même temps, et quelquefois ça ne passe pas hein??? C'est un choc de culture c'est sûr!!! Je suis contente de savoir que tu n'oublies pas d'où tu viens et je suis rassurée de voir que tu es capable de faire la part des choses là-bas... je le répète Jacquie, ne porte pas sur tes épaules le sort de l'humanité, et sois toujours reconnaissante de ce que la vie t'as donné, et en retour, partage à ta mesure à toi... et cette mesure n'est pas la même d'une personne à l'autre. Et on doit respecter ça. Continues de te poser toutes ces questions, et de faire la part des choses. Même les touristes ont leur propre mesure à eux qui est basée sur leur propres expériences de vie, alors, on ne peux pas les juger trop vite et trop sévèrement, ne connaissant pas leurs propres expériences et quel genre de vie ils ont eu, non???... André, j'admire ta grande sensibilité, je vois d'où Jacquie tient la sienne, et grâce à vous deux, mes glandes lacrymogènes fonctionnent à merveille!!! Quelle belle invention que ce blogue, we can keep in touch anytime and share our visions of life and feelings! Et André, quelle belle image que ces cercles qui s'entrecroisent et se fondent ensemble...ça paraît pas de même, mais ta jarnigouène est pas mal évoluée mon p'tit vinyenne! Je vous aime et vous embrasse très fort du Québec! xoxoxo
I'd have to agree with the first comment...deep and thoughful. Thank you for opening up your heart to what you're experiencing - I don't think I could have put it any better way.
Sending you lots of love
~Car
Hey rabbit.. you remind me of what I do not see, but know is out there. I hope I can make a change in some way and am glad I have strated on that journey. Do not feel bad about returning to the West- as you said this si where you make money to go back to help and also thsi is where your family and friends are to take care of your lovely soul that is doing so much for others. I consider it a privilege to be able to go to places that need help and an even greater privilege to be able to do the work that is needed! No guilt or regrets.. just ACTION!
love and hugs. S
This is February 01, 2006. So , I read your title and so, I got thinkin ,,, hummm ,,,,that girl should get writing.
Another thought ,,, with a Question first,,,
Did I tell you I loved you today????
Well ,,, I do!!
I will end with another question and answer.
2bornot2b
rabbt, so ya we are in texas. It is nice to walk down memory lane and thik of days past. Its funny in a way coz i had expected that only bangalore would incite the nostalgic home feelings and not texas. surprise surprise! I still feel I spent one of the best years of my life (the best until 2005) in texas and so there is more than one home. It must be the same for you in a way i guess. The valuable time and the emotions and feelings you have passed and felt in SE Asia must have given you the feelings of attachment. Canada is your home but when you return to Cambodia as you plan, it will feel like going to another home. Ohhh rabbit.. i love ur blog postings.. keep it up, I have to confess, the online journaling makes me feel closer to where you are and who you are :):)
We ckd out the dancing scene in Dallas, D and I, and it is really good. I never thought about this but it is nice to not think about the weather- it gives u that additional time to enjoy where you are and spend more time on what matters to you.
I start volunteering with the kids as soon I return to Ottawa. Remember my friend Lee? He is coming to visit s he day after we get bak and will stay for a week. Val may come gain, is their reading week. Wo. when was the last time u had reading week eh? lol
ciao bella (inside and out)
Take care.. I hope you are doing well healthwise (physically)..
BE SAFE :)
hugs n kisses...S
Wow! You are definately all grown up, your entries are unbelievable, i can't even imagine what it's like there being surrounded in all that poverty...I am sure of one thing i do believe you when you say you are planning on going back to do "good" there and i know you will....
I love you very much and i have to say i will be glad when you come home to Canada. I know certain things will not be the same, but the "YOU" we all know and love will always BE....
Love and keep well my little girl...... ;-)
thanks mom... it means a lot that you read me. Hugs to you!
*muah*
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