the hacker, the slacker, and the polly-wanna-cracker

http://www.goodseedfestival.net

the count down begins... there's exactly one more month til this festival actually HAPPENS! March 18th, 2007!!

I can't believe I've been here for a whole month already! it's been awesome though... I really feel at home in melbourne. I owe a HUGE thanks to leigh, alex, and georgie for making me feel so welcome. I've met so many wonderful - and a few crazy - people through them.

before I talk festival stuff, why don't "yous guys" (thanks Sista She for giving me another phrase to quote!) join me on a little trip down memory lane? how's that sound? ready???

{insert wayne and garth memory sound and actions here}

*she sits to ponder her memories since having arrived in melbourne, yet she cannot... she thinks about WHY she cannot... the only explanation she believes is the cause of her fleeting thoughts is 1 of 2 (though she really detests binaries... but technically, this would not exemplify a true "binary" in that one is certainly not better than the other... this is merely an offering of 2 completely unrelated causes for why she cannot think about the things about which she'd like to think... but I digress...) 1 of 2.

the first => it is so extremely and unbearably hot tonight in melbourne, 24.8 C, that though she has certainly experienced heaps (australian lingo included), the heat is preventing her from being able to actually RECALL those very experiences. you know how heat can affect people. in her case, temporary memory loss, or TML (she's a big fan of acronyms), is an unfortunate side effect. one thought did pop in for a queek ;) peek though, like friday friday flip up day...

Tom Robbins said it best in reference to Mother Nature's obession with doing things the hard way: "there's birth and there's there's death. everything in between is maintenence".

the second => she is finally exhibiting the not-so-funny consequences of all those years of incessant pot smoking (and maybe that weekend acid trip was reefer madness' accomplice) . yes. it's all fun and games until someone get's poked in the eye... or... can't remember something that would be really really cool to share.

so which is it AMERICA? which one of these 2 fabulous choices will be chosen to be The One Reason For Why Jacquie Cannot Think About That Which She Would Really Really Love To Think? YOU decide. call or text the number you see scrolling across your screen to make your decision!

she shakes her head. she's been watching a little too much reality tv.*

Uhm, sorry bout that folks. this heat (yes, heat won the popular vote cuz everyone knows that drugs don't cause anything except GOOD TIMES!!!) is excrutiating. I'm sitting here on the shitter, thinking about Claudia Twister... oops! sorry scotty! your poem jumped in as a cameo in my blog! hi there! anyways, I'm sitting here in front of the computer and beads of sweat have formed in my cleavage, on my temples, upper lip, and down my spine. also, where my wrists are resting on the table, moisture has made it's presence known. it's hard to think about anything except what's occuring in every moment. the past didn't go anywhere, we know that Utah, but it's just a little self-conscious I guess... I mean, there are few moments when sweat looks GOOD... ya know what I'm sayin? heehee

oh! there you are! here's one memory... I knew it would come out... it's vain like me.

so, cuz I'm really hard up for cash, a new friend offered to pay me to do her yard work, which consisted of only mowing the lawn and weed wacking, along with a bit of raking. she asked me whether I'd ever done yard work before and I confidently replied that I'd done HEAPS of yard work and that I knew exactly what to do and how to do it. a lie, yes, but like gordon always says, "desperate times call for desperate measures". (I ended up doing a FABULOUS job in the end, FYI.) very nice of her, no? everyone say: THANKS JODIE! so anyway, at first I felt it seemed a little Desperate Housewife-ish and declined. after a week of insomnia due to non-stop cerebral activity focused primarily on: what the fuck am I gonna do if I don't have enough cash to carry me through this? I rung jodie to reneg on the decline. 20 bucks/hour sounded too good to pass up... plus... I could work on my tan! put some old muscles back to work! poor little dudes... and stretch the work out to last as long as I wanted it to! heehee I mean, a lawn's gotta look good, don't it? my one condition to the whole deal was that it had to be on a day where she wouldn't be home. I told her I felt funny about it. she laughed. then she agreed. then I learned the forecast was to be 38 C. so I had to leave early to get there early to get the work done before the really bad late afternoon heat came. then she told me she didn't have to leave home til 10am. then she offered to make me breakfast and coffee. needless to say, I slept in. biked across victoria's capital city - a ride that lasted 1.5 hours due to bad directions. got there well after 10am, thankfully. so, decked out in lulu lemon, I sunscreened up, bandanaed my hot head, through on my rock star sunnies, flicked on the wonderful ipod, and got to work while belting out such tunes as "living room" by tegan and sarah, "recoil" by mz. mama difranco, "new orleans is sinkin" by the tragically hip, among many. (the heat, btw, was just as bad in the morning as in the late afternoon... the only difference was the pavement soaked it all up and so it eminated from below as well as from above during my treck home.) I mowed that lawn - though most of it was yellowed and dry because of the 10 year drought - and weed wacked those edges like it was nobody's business! all the neighbours were SO jealous!

*the rains came. the heat subsided. the cool air blew in the open screened windows and covered her in kisses. she loves the smell of rain. makes her HEAD clear up too! look at the memory that's not finished being told!*

I mowed and I wacked. mowed and wacked. fixed the wacker about 5 times. impressed myself too! I mean, if someone else had have been there, I likely would have handed over the problem! but not that time. nope. it was just ME and I had something to prove: that I was not a liar! that I DID know how to do yard work! haha then after all that mowing and wacking, and fixing, I raked and raked and raked. made little piles and everything! rolled out the bin and picked up each grassy pile (trying not to think of the creepy crwlers that could have been dwelling so close to my delicate and dainty hands as I not only gave their homes a buzz cut, I also stabbed and relocated them! I'd be scared and upset and ready to bite or sting anything that came near me too!! but don't you fret. no bites or stings to these lovely hands). then I rolled the bin back, swept the walkways, rolled up the extension cords, put away the machinery, and then washed my feet in her tub. 6 hours dudes!! 120 bucks!!! biked home - screwy directions foiled me again! - by 6 and passed out at 9. woke up the next day not only in the same position as the one I'd passed out in, but almost 12 hours of sleep later!! (and 5 full on sex dreams) crazy!!

I took pictures of this experience. I will upload them soon.

but here's the funny thing... as I was doin all that yard work, I was thinkin to myself about the absolute hilarity of the situation. I mean, there I was, this 26 year old canadian woman, mowin and wackin and bustin out in song and dance, decked out quite fashionably, in this older woman's fucking YARD!!! in MELBOURNE AUSTRALIA! think about this. try to imagine it in your beautiful minds. if you don't burst out in laughter, you have serious comedic issues and you should seek help immediately. FOREIGN WORKER I was! hahaha workin for cash! I should put in an add in the classifieds that reads: desperate canadian woman will mow your lawn and wack your weeds for CASH. too fucken funny.

{/wayne and garth memory sound and action}

so uh.... the festival? well... not only am I tired now and I have to wake up early and work on said event, but this post is FAR too long already. at least I am keepin it real! I'll just say that there is still TONS to do and I wish I had a camera following me around so you could see the motley crew with which I have the pleasure of working. it's so funny seeing how leigh and her cousin bez interact with each other. there's a real sociology to this stuff! just check this out http://myspace.com/goodseedfestival for now. I'll tell you more about the happenings once it starts cooling down and I can sit down and write properly. heehee

ok guys! hope you enjoyed this installment of Another Hot Night In Melbourne. thank you for watching. and we'll see you next time.